Oh, Canada Day.

I've come to notice if I don't do something myself, it won't happen. That's an obvious fact for anybody, right?
If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.

I wish it applied to my life. It's not that I can't do something for myself, but I'm constantly forced to rely on other people and every time I have plans, they get in the way. No matter how simple or grand it is. They will fuck it up for me.
Case and point. Today, I asked someone to bring my camera, someone who's work shift starts when mine ends. My friend's band is playing nearby, I want to see them play live for once.
It's Canada Day, too. Why not have some fun?

Fast about an hour after my shift is done and no camera. Friends are done playing and none of my friends hung around.
Well what the fuck.

It's come to a point where I realize this is my life. I'm constantly burdened with obligations and debts I don't owe. It makes me wonder if I started tallying what others owe me, what they've taken for granted because I never ask for anything is return, what would it amount to?
What then?
I can't handle being that bitch, so I smile and do my job. And then spend an insane amount of money to make myself happy. Which is stupid. I've been counter acting all my hard work for the past 10 months. All because I'm miserable and this kind of thing KEEPS HAPPENING.
I'm still going to University, I don't care how much money I have to spend, I don't care if I have to give up my soul to go.
It doesn't help that I've been working probably about 5 or 6 weeks straight now. Which just elevates the fact that this is a holiday and I missed the festivities again. Why can't I go with others or celebrate with my family?
Simple, all my other, closer friends are in another town. With their carnival, it sounds awesome and my family, well...My dad is sick, my mom is taking of him and this is the first time my dad has taken sick time in over 10 years, my brother is working everyday and my sister works and she has the car.

So I'm all alone. Holidays have a tendency to do this to me. Maybe it isn't the people, maybe it's just stuff like Thanksgiving and New Years and today that I end up alone.

I preferred it when I was in school. I didn't have to tell anyone where I was going. I twenty fucking years and my mom still calls me to tell me not wander off.
That probably pissed me off more than anything else. It's embarrassing and degrading. I know she's my mom and she's concerned about me. But getting lost in the town I grew up in, seriously?
I've never needed someone to be concerned about me. I just need someone to understand.

Aw crap, December.

"It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey"
-VNV Nation, Beloved


Every year, Christmas blindsides me. It's like a damn freight-train that flies off the tracks and keeps going. Every damn time. When I was 15, even for years before, It was so damn easy to shop and prepare, craft things. Ever since I turned 16 and got a job, I get run over by the wayward freight-train known as Christmas.

Despite being blind sided and getting bank bills in disguise of medical fees. I love the holiday. I love it more than any other time of the year. For so many reasons like family. Being Greek, I have a huge amount of family members. A ridiculously large count. It usually goes like "This is you aunts, sisters, sons cousin from Australia, so that makes you distant cousins." So I just nod my head and stare blankly in response.
We have a tradition that allows us to get the immediate family together and celebrate. It's starts on the 24th, Christmas Eve, and I go off to my aunts house for dinner and gift opening. YAY! Then we kinda show off our gifts and play with the dog because he's a funny little brat.
The next morning on the 25th, the family comes over to our house and we have this messed up feast that lasts like all fucking day. Pardon my language, but it lasts FOREVER sometimes. I do love them, but there's only so much Greek soap operas and european league soccer I can handle in a day. Not to mention all the families make our food from scratch. Appetizers, main dishes, sauces, dressings, and dessert are all hand-made. So,so delicious.

It doesn't start again until New Years Eve where the family might go out to a chateau or club. As far as I know, I'm the only person in the family who's ever spent New Years alone and sick. I'll be honest and say it was awesome. It only happens once a year, but even then it loses it's charm. I wasn't old enough to go out and drink, so I shoved my family out the door, had I not been sick, they never would have stood for it.
Then New Year's Day we go out to my other aunts house and eat another feast all day and play cards and watch movies and watch hockey and then we go home.

It's an awesome tradition. It surprised me to know when I was growing up other families didn't do this. It also gives me a bit of pride. That this event, where I get to see my family together once a year, is massively surprising to people, where to me it seems common place.

There's also the gifts, oh my god. I wish the good old days when all we had to do was say "That toy!" or "That doll, mommy!" or "That super nintendo game!" and it would be an awesome Christmas. Now I end up saying "No, mom, it's expensive, I don't want you to buy me a camera because you don't know the brands." It's hilarious to me. We all work really hard and tear our hair to figure out what each person wants. It's fun. I love this and somehow my older brother always always figures out what I want and buys it and then I cherish it for years. Case and point. One year my brother bought me a sandisk mp3, that year the hardrive failed because I was using it so much so we got it replaced. I still have the shell of that sandisk in my room. 2 years later he bought me a samsung mp3 player which kick started my love for samsung so I pretty much have everything samsung.

Then there's the memories. Where each year I have terrible birthdays, I always have amazing Christmases that I can recall for years to come. I could tell stories all night, but then I think I would crash blogger and then where would I be?

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!