In which I question, what the hell am I doing!?

I keep losing the password to this account. Now, it's not even funny anymore.

On the 4th it was my birthday! My 20th! It was so exciting and I had a lot of fun for once. Unlike the past few years. Recently, I've had these really ridiculous life changing epiphanies and such. Things are no longer a want, they've become needs. University and the school board failed me once again. It was all a stupid misunderstanding and blind faith in people I shouldn't have had blind faith in. So another semester is just me waiting around.

There are too may nay sayers in my parts. All I can say to you is watch me. Watch me as I move along in life and make a name for myself. I don't want to be left behind like this. I won't be left behind. It's not that I want to go to University, it's a need. I have to move on. I have to get out of here and be on my own. How can I learn to live if all my life is equaling a job in the family restaurant and going home at the end of the night?

Is it because I'm afraid I won't want to come back? Or maybe I'm afraid I won't make it on my own? I doubt that, for the longest time people have told me because I'm the youngest in the family, the baby, it will be hardest for me to leave the nest, so to speak. That fear I think is merely planted into my head from hearing the same goddamn thing over and over.

"I want to travel the world."
"By yourself? With what money?."

"I want to go to Greece."
"Don't be stupid, you won't find your way around."

"I want to go Toronto for University."
"That's too far away, you'll die."

"I can always get another job."
"Nobody would hire you."

"I have my own money."
"Out of whose pocket?"

Honestly, my status and age gives you the assumption I'm useless? Where do people get this?
Right now, I'm frustrated by what I've been hearing. For almost two years I've put up with this. I'm wasting time? I can't do my job? I won't go anywhere?
I ask you now. What have you done with your lives, you miserable people?
At least I'm trying and have a chance. At least I give a damn, not about you, but myself. At least I care enough to come home at night and want to be with family.
I refuse to live my life like this anymore.

I keep getting stabbed in the back, it's unfortunate. I don't do things that garner people to go after me like that but it happens. I guess I'm an easy target. I guess that because I call you my friend, you get to take my story and cry in someones arms, about how terrible your life is, when really, that's my sorrow. Those are the days I gave up to work, those are the hours I spent alone trying to cram for an exam I had no time for, those are my hours spent talking to you, trying to make you feel like you were worth more than what cheap value people placed you as.

That's why life isn't fair.
I never got to cry to someone.
I never got comforted.
I never got to complain.
I never caught a break.
I never even got to go to the fucking doctors when I was sick!

All I heard was a try harder. When no one worked as hard as I did at my age. No one gave up their nights with friends. Their parties, the class gatherings, their graduation day just to work and make it convenient for someone else.

This self sacrificing act is bullshit.
And this, my friends, is the beginning of the rest of my life.