Happy New YEAR!

Happy New Year!

I love being with family on New Years. It's just the most amazing time. Also, I got the Nintendo DSi XL - Anniversary Edition, and the sound editor has a parakeet that repeats things on the title screen when you talk, it will repeat what you say in a very high pitched screech. Aaaaand my dad and brother were arguing with it. I almost died with laughter.

Then we played 21 until about a half until before New Years and then we pulled out the Uno because we hadn't played in a year. A nice dose of vengeance over a children's card game is always a healthy way to ring in the new year.

And as we watched Dick Clark's Rockin’ New Years Eve’s until the countdown, I didn't have any amazing revelation, I didn't think about how life was going to change in the New Year, and I don't care that I have very little money right now.

It's just so much better to know that this is my family and that's all I need. My dearest friend, Jaimie, who is also much more inspired than I am today because she wrote this glorious, albeit short and sweet, piece on who we are and what we were and it's the best thing I ever read in 2010 and I can barely bring or fish a few words inspiration out of my own head.
Today, I don't really have any words. I don't think I need them.

Dear 2011,
We just met, what do you think of me?
I have an idea, will you hear me out?
This idea of mine. I think it will work.

The end, and we begin again

Every time I begin to write a blog,
It's when I really shouldn't be!

Hope you had a good Chrismakwanzaa and Happy New Year!

So it's 5am and it's New Years Eve and I feel the exact same I did last New Years Eve. "It's tonight? Really? Can I stay home?"

I don't think that my family will be doing much, but we're all home, so why not?

On the other hand, I haven't been working all that much thanks to my sister, who has my shifts now, I still can't escape douchebags. You know the really terrible ones who will argue just for the sake to arguing and twists your words to fit their means and they get you upset for the littlest thing you thought you'd never ever be upset about in your life. Oh, yeah. I happen to be on familiar terms with one. Thanks for ruining the day before New Year's. Asshole.

On the other hand, I had an amazing Christmas. I know I said that Christmas day takes forever when my family is over but this year was fantastic.
We hooked up Guitar Hero (which we had for years but never hooked up for some reason) with the drums and mic and played and it was awesome. Being the only one who knew how to play drums well enough to finish a song meant I played for hours, yet it was amazing.
I would have Christmas like that every year if I could but I know it would get boring. Our other Christmases have been great, too. When I got DDR, I was passing it around with the family, that lasted for two years. Then we got bored of it. Then it was the Wii and last year we just rotated around those items.

Now, for presents. We have secret santa's everywhere. Just not my family, but with my aunts and uncles and cousins, we do. I don't hate it, but GOD what a way to frazzle me! Every year I panic and cry and complain. "What do I get them!?" It's always people who I know very well, so I have to know what they want. It's stupid, no one has ever been upset at me for what I got them but I always think they will be.

Case and point. I got one of my favorite co-workers for the secret santa. She likes to be a brat when it comes to me because I am so much younger than she is,(doesn't help she likes to tell everyone I'm 12. I'm 20 years old for heavens sakes!) so for the first half of December it was constantly "Do you know who got me? Tell me! I know you know! It's you isn't it?" I would deny casually and I suppose I'm a good actress, because she believed me and she is a very perceptive person. So when the staff party came around (I wore high heels and served food, I was so proud of myself!) and gift giving time I just stalked everyone while gifts were given. When my co-worker got her gift and she saw her favorite bottle of red wine and her favorite brand of chocolates, she looked at me and she knew. She is not a very touchy-feely person and she doesn't like hugs, but when she received her presents she hugged me. That moment almost made my year. The I laugh at myself because I was panicking up until the party. I should slap myself.

I got my uncle Tom for the family secret santa. Of course, I panic, cry and complain x2 because I love my uncles and I HAVE to get my family the best no matter what. Fun stuff, I got things I thought would be nice. Tommy Hilfiger shirt and sweater and moccasin because I heard he needed a new pair. So Christmas Eve comes around and he unwraps his gifts that I worked so hard on and they looked awesome. And what do you know, I panicked, cried and complained for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
The bonus was the next day when the families came over for Christmas Day, he was wearing the sweater I got him.

Bottom line, I guess, to me Christmas is that feeling of surprise. Seeing something in the store that you think would be positively PERFECT as a gift. The rushing around and the waiting. Meeting people in stores you haven't seen in YEARS is a good reminder of the time gone by.
Even if you want to strangle those ladies in the store, once it's Christmas. It's okay. You won't see them for another year.

What great end to not so stellar year.

I have a lot left to do.

Dear 2010,
You started on a disappointing note, but it got better. I was so happy that I got easily upset when something went wrong, you died down into a slow pace that became my everyday boring routine with a lot to be desired, you gave three moments of intense anguish that I never thought I'd ever feel in my life. Next time, I will be prepared. Aside from that, you let me find a part of myself that I didn't know I had. So, thank you. Everyone.

Dear 2011,
We have yet to meet, but when we do, I swear I'll do things different. This isn't a resolution, this is my plan and plans must be followed. This year, I think it will be exciting.

Happy New Years, everyone.

Aw crap, December.

"It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey"
-VNV Nation, Beloved


Every year, Christmas blindsides me. It's like a damn freight-train that flies off the tracks and keeps going. Every damn time. When I was 15, even for years before, It was so damn easy to shop and prepare, craft things. Ever since I turned 16 and got a job, I get run over by the wayward freight-train known as Christmas.

Despite being blind sided and getting bank bills in disguise of medical fees. I love the holiday. I love it more than any other time of the year. For so many reasons like family. Being Greek, I have a huge amount of family members. A ridiculously large count. It usually goes like "This is you aunts, sisters, sons cousin from Australia, so that makes you distant cousins." So I just nod my head and stare blankly in response.
We have a tradition that allows us to get the immediate family together and celebrate. It's starts on the 24th, Christmas Eve, and I go off to my aunts house for dinner and gift opening. YAY! Then we kinda show off our gifts and play with the dog because he's a funny little brat.
The next morning on the 25th, the family comes over to our house and we have this messed up feast that lasts like all fucking day. Pardon my language, but it lasts FOREVER sometimes. I do love them, but there's only so much Greek soap operas and european league soccer I can handle in a day. Not to mention all the families make our food from scratch. Appetizers, main dishes, sauces, dressings, and dessert are all hand-made. So,so delicious.

It doesn't start again until New Years Eve where the family might go out to a chateau or club. As far as I know, I'm the only person in the family who's ever spent New Years alone and sick. I'll be honest and say it was awesome. It only happens once a year, but even then it loses it's charm. I wasn't old enough to go out and drink, so I shoved my family out the door, had I not been sick, they never would have stood for it.
Then New Year's Day we go out to my other aunts house and eat another feast all day and play cards and watch movies and watch hockey and then we go home.

It's an awesome tradition. It surprised me to know when I was growing up other families didn't do this. It also gives me a bit of pride. That this event, where I get to see my family together once a year, is massively surprising to people, where to me it seems common place.

There's also the gifts, oh my god. I wish the good old days when all we had to do was say "That toy!" or "That doll, mommy!" or "That super nintendo game!" and it would be an awesome Christmas. Now I end up saying "No, mom, it's expensive, I don't want you to buy me a camera because you don't know the brands." It's hilarious to me. We all work really hard and tear our hair to figure out what each person wants. It's fun. I love this and somehow my older brother always always figures out what I want and buys it and then I cherish it for years. Case and point. One year my brother bought me a sandisk mp3, that year the hardrive failed because I was using it so much so we got it replaced. I still have the shell of that sandisk in my room. 2 years later he bought me a samsung mp3 player which kick started my love for samsung so I pretty much have everything samsung.

Then there's the memories. Where each year I have terrible birthdays, I always have amazing Christmases that I can recall for years to come. I could tell stories all night, but then I think I would crash blogger and then where would I be?

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Of Fable and Folklore : Friday The 13th

If there is something that I love. It would be superstitions. I simply adore them. I don't live by them, I don't preach or teach them to others. I just like to know, they happen to make great conversation starters.

I thought I'd talk a little bit about something I mentioned in my other post. Friday the 13th.
Now I personally consider the fact that most people find the Friday the 13th unlucky or cursed, it has to be the luckiest day of the year. Since most are so terribly cautious it's probably a very safe day. According to The National Geographic this day actually affects 17-21 million people each year. The article was published 6 years ago but I doubt the numbers have changed. The fear of the day is known as paraskevidekatriaphobia according to my book on Phobias. Easy for me, because the entire bloody word is Greek. Paraskeví (Παρασκευή) means Friday and dekatreís (δεκατρείς) means the thirteenth and of course phobía (φοβία) means fear. (Is anyone getting a flash back to the intro of My Big Fat Greek wedding?) So we put that together as Paraskevi Dekatreis Phobia. It just rolls off of the tongue. Check out Wikipedia in startling accuracy on the pronunciation. Fear of Friday the 13th.

Now then. Friday the 13th. Why is it so feared? Why does it matter?
Surprisingly, this particular day has a lot of history. In Norse Mythology, 12 Gods reside in Valhalla one night for a dinner party. Loki, a mischeif maker was the 13th guest. True to his name of mischief making, Loki arranged for Hoder, the blind god of darkness, to shoot Balder the Beautiful, the goddess of joy and gladness, with a mistletoe-tipped arrow. Hoder hits the beautiful goddess and she dies. The world was shrouded in darkness and the earth mourns.
Christians see a connection with the 13th apostle Judas, as he was the one who betrayed Jesus and was also the 13th guest at the Last Supper.
In ancient Roman history, witches gathered in groups of 12 to do their witchy business and the 13th person that joined was assumed to be the devil.
There are 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 labors of Hercules, 12 tribes of Israel, and 12 apostles of Jesus. With expectations like these, it's not hard to see why 13 isn't a very welcome number.

Now what about Friday? That's also a very biblical day. The day Jesus was crucified was documented to be on a Friday, Eve tempted Adam with forbidden fruit on a Friday, The Flood in the Bible occurred on a Friday and Abel was slain by Cain on Friday the 13th.

A really unfortunate Friday the 13th was during 1306, when King Philip of France arrested the Knights Templar and began torturing them to confess to heresy, which marked that particular day cursed by the devil himself. Not even ten years later, as the last Grand Master of the Templar, Jacques de Molay died and he cursed the name of King Philip and the reluctant Pope that was urged into the downfall of the Templar, both king and Pope died within the following year, what a surprise!

In Britain, both Friday and the number 13 were relatively close for other factors. Friday was a day for public hangings and there were 13 steps leading to the noose.

Do we see the effects even today? Definitely.
More than 80 percent of high-rises lack a 13th floor.
Many airports skip the 13th gate.
Airplanes have no 13th aisle.
Hospitals and hotels regularly have no room number 13.
Italians omit the number 13 from their national lottery.
On streets in Florence, Italy, the house between number 12 and 14 is addressed as 12 and a half.
Many cities do not have a 13th Street or a 13th Avenue.
Many who fear simply the number 13 point to the ill-fated mission to the moon, Apollo 13.

So our poor Friday the 13th is merely predicted to be a bad day. With so much under it's belt, so much infamy it's no wonder that people assume things will go wrong on this day. How can you avoid this bad luck? Besides thinking that Murphy's Law has something to do with it? When having a party, be sure that a 14th party guest is prepared at all costs, like in France, socialites known as the quatorziens (fourteeners) were the 14th guest to keep a dinner party from an unlucky or unfortunate fate.

Don't think about the number as being bad, the easiest remedy to fore go the unease of the 13th is treat like any other number, which it is because doing that is so much simpler than going on top of a skyscraper and burning all the socks that have holes in them and doing a hand stand eating gristle which are both recommendations in folklore to avoid bad luck.

Everyday I fight this f e e l i n g

A Great Perhaps.

Maybe all I'm looking for is new scenery. A blank ticket that would allow me to go anywhere. To forget my partially wasted childhood. For those first few years of highschool, I lived, I really tried but talking to a random woman in hard times said to me "You're a baby, no offense, just twenty, you've hardly lived life."

I get frustrated at thinking how right she is. An entire year ago I had been the happiest in my life and I feel myself slowly falling into the monotony of my life AGAIN. I can't seem to hold onto my happiness. I can't seem to catch a break in that way. It upsets me that when I actually think about something and calculate possibilities, nothing wants to work for me.

What have I ever had and what have I lost?
I have a family, and I have a home. I'm already bloody spoiled just by typing those words. I have an amazing best friend, too. That is a luxury all by itself that right now, it's impossible to indulge in.

What have I lost? My inspiration. I want so badly to be back in school. I lost my friend all those years ago who slipped silently into a cold abyss, and I lost a chance to say my final farewell to someone who hasn't even died but they might as well be to me and I truly wonder if I had been different all those years ago would it change anything. Had I been more confident? Thinner? Less nationalistic? Would any of it matter where I am now.

All I know is that I feel like I'm bursting with the feeling that I'm missing something. Something is happening, passing me by and I can't grasp it. I feel very sick. I don't know why. I have a 10 hour shift tomorrow/today in 8 hours, and again on Monday and Tuesday and then on Friday, I work all week from then on. I have worked for 12 days straight. I have spent 45 hours of the last week out of the possible 168 hours on my feet and then 5 hours from the past week of work simply waiting.
168 hours. I have not slept this week. Instead I read. I read Looking for Alaska by John Green, I read The Zombie Survival Guide, I read The Nutrition Diet (and I feel like swearing off of food forever) I also spent a few hours reading the One Piece manga, because lets face it, even when reading manga you need to remember the better times.
I also find that writing blogs takes work. I've had 2 days to write a single blog entry I've done it time and again but I will post that candy bit possibly in a new blog. These are all activities I indulge in during the late hours. Between 11pm and 5am. After that I sleep. Or at least try to.

That's where all my inspiration hits. These days I'm so damn tired that it doesn't matter that I have a pair earrings on my desk that are waiting for me to paint them, or that I have a hat just sitting in incompleteness or even the poor book I began to write that's sitting as draft pages and notes and sentences. What saddens me most is the photos I haven't been able to look at and the pictures I failed to take this summer.

Why do I feel that I've lost what was left of the good times? Why do I feel that unless something happens, I won't be able to be with my friends, or play video games, or even chat on video conference online because I've lost my chance?

I need sleep. Not this nap every twenty minutes until you need to get out of bed for work.

Bonfires in the night.

It's getting closer and closer to one of my favorite times of the year. That would be October and all of its Halloween goodness. Also my best friends Birthday is right near the main event of October. I'd imagine as a child, having Halloween on your birthday is a gold mine.
I'm not a big horror movie watcher, I never actually did much in October in general.
Very few haunted houses, not a whole lot of apple picking, and I'm not a huge fan of pumpkins.
What I have done is I have picked up the leaves many, many times, unfortunately our 100ft tall tree had to be cut down for insurance reasons. I always wear hoodies in October through November, sometimes even in December. I love hoodies.

This still doesn't change the fact that around October time I really get into the the undead spirit of it all. I always enjoy myself during the month, with abundant Halloween specials, the creepy decorations and the fantastic selection of candy. I feel it's a time where it's good to be scared. Holding your breath when you pass a graveyard, avoiding ladders, trying not to bite finger nails, looking behind you when you're out late and walking all by your lonesome, dodging black cats, the nervousness when you see ravens, or crows.
The best coincidence, I must say, is Friday the 13th in October because I swear everyone who claims they do not believe in superstitions or old wives tales will believe for at least one day.
Even in everyday life, the world seems to have this strange obsession with avoiding the 13th number, which is an ill fated number that just happens to be beyond completeness.

The last time Friday the 13th appeared in October on the calendar would be in 2006. I remember that day, the school seemed to hide in itself and everyone was holding their breathe, just waiting for something unearthly to happen. I think at one point, my mind played a trick on me, because I swear I saw something in the forest. The next time the 13th will come around in October is in 2017.

This year, fright is affecting me rather early. I want to play Silent Hill and Fatal Frame. I really want to take photographs of suspicious places and edit them to look even creepier. Much like I did last year. Last year I was still on livejournal. Last year I was very busy and I did nothing of interest. Worst October ever. This year, I'm hoping to make the most of the 31 days available to me. October is a time of nights. After 6pm, the fun starts. Well, that's how it was when I was growing up.
On that note, Halloween is an unfortunate dying tradition. At least where I live it is.
Almost 10 years ago. Everyone on my neighborhood had their porch lights on during Halloween, everyone had decorations, all the kids wore costumes and on top of everything, everyone knew each other. Literally, I'd walk a few blocks away from my house and I'd be saying hi to my classmates and they'd point me in the direction of their house so I could get more candy. One year I had three pillow cases full of candy, my own trick-or-treat bag was filled long before I made it to the big houses.
Halloween as a child was more like a strategy game. Get a group of friends, find a map of the city, mark your route so that you hit all the houses of people you know and get the 'good' houses in there and mark the end of the night at your friends house so that everyone can stay together for one last little party, before everything turns back to normal.

Even if it's been 7 years since I last went trick-or-treating and 5 years since I last put on a costume, I'm very emotionally attached to Halloween. It could the fact that I can be insanely creepy and no one would judge me. Or even because I love the macabre and vaudeville. Creepy circuses and old deserted fun houses.

I wish I was a kid one day every year on Halloween.

Your lie is fallng apart

I realize now I really want to keep this blog alive. I've decided that I really want this blog to survive as opposed to all the other ones that I've had. Mainly because they were crap. And I like blogger.

This entry certainly won't be quite as fantastic as the last one but I can't have inspiration smack late at night all the time. I wrote the entry at almost 3 in the morning. Yet is says I posted just before 10pm. If only that was the case. At the moment, I am waiting to go to work. Basically just for the night shift. It won't be long, this will probably turn out to a 3 hour shift. Not that I'm complaining because I have long shifts for the next two days. I'm grateful for getting Friday night off and now that I have Saturday nights off, it's even better!

I can't be cross every time I want to update my blog. These are the good things happening now and I need to pay attention to those things or I'll drive myself insane. A la 2 hours ago I was seething mad. I've mellowed now, obviously, but it's not a good way to stat my day.

It's been a half hour since my shift began. I wonder where my ride is?

In which I question, what the hell am I doing!?

I keep losing the password to this account. Now, it's not even funny anymore.

On the 4th it was my birthday! My 20th! It was so exciting and I had a lot of fun for once. Unlike the past few years. Recently, I've had these really ridiculous life changing epiphanies and such. Things are no longer a want, they've become needs. University and the school board failed me once again. It was all a stupid misunderstanding and blind faith in people I shouldn't have had blind faith in. So another semester is just me waiting around.

There are too may nay sayers in my parts. All I can say to you is watch me. Watch me as I move along in life and make a name for myself. I don't want to be left behind like this. I won't be left behind. It's not that I want to go to University, it's a need. I have to move on. I have to get out of here and be on my own. How can I learn to live if all my life is equaling a job in the family restaurant and going home at the end of the night?

Is it because I'm afraid I won't want to come back? Or maybe I'm afraid I won't make it on my own? I doubt that, for the longest time people have told me because I'm the youngest in the family, the baby, it will be hardest for me to leave the nest, so to speak. That fear I think is merely planted into my head from hearing the same goddamn thing over and over.

"I want to travel the world."
"By yourself? With what money?."

"I want to go to Greece."
"Don't be stupid, you won't find your way around."

"I want to go Toronto for University."
"That's too far away, you'll die."

"I can always get another job."
"Nobody would hire you."

"I have my own money."
"Out of whose pocket?"

Honestly, my status and age gives you the assumption I'm useless? Where do people get this?
Right now, I'm frustrated by what I've been hearing. For almost two years I've put up with this. I'm wasting time? I can't do my job? I won't go anywhere?
I ask you now. What have you done with your lives, you miserable people?
At least I'm trying and have a chance. At least I give a damn, not about you, but myself. At least I care enough to come home at night and want to be with family.
I refuse to live my life like this anymore.

I keep getting stabbed in the back, it's unfortunate. I don't do things that garner people to go after me like that but it happens. I guess I'm an easy target. I guess that because I call you my friend, you get to take my story and cry in someones arms, about how terrible your life is, when really, that's my sorrow. Those are the days I gave up to work, those are the hours I spent alone trying to cram for an exam I had no time for, those are my hours spent talking to you, trying to make you feel like you were worth more than what cheap value people placed you as.

That's why life isn't fair.
I never got to cry to someone.
I never got comforted.
I never got to complain.
I never caught a break.
I never even got to go to the fucking doctors when I was sick!

All I heard was a try harder. When no one worked as hard as I did at my age. No one gave up their nights with friends. Their parties, the class gatherings, their graduation day just to work and make it convenient for someone else.

This self sacrificing act is bullshit.
And this, my friends, is the beginning of the rest of my life.

I'll come running...

Okay.
I am alive. HOORAY.

Now that the hardest part is over, I have three days of rest and attempted sleep. I'll probably catch up on my homework. Fun stuff.
Maybe update my Devart if I get the chance.

I have to make this blog more exciting. :\

Start spreading the news...

I finally found my way back onto my account after almost 5 months!
I didn't think I would have so much trouble. Either way, I finally found my way back onto my account and I'm even going to link my old one. http://egol-and-jbig.blogspot.com !
It's pretty much only my friend Jaimie, but hey, it's where I started and there are only about 4 entries on that account.

Why am I up at 3 in the morning? Arguing with myself. It's healthy. Not really. I'm up because of assignments, not surprising, but it's not the written half. I'm done that. I have finished my assignments. I just have to do my resources list and I am good for the rest of the week until Friday. Which is amazing. My only gripe is I have no idea if I'm being marked on my one set of assignments because of a misunderstanding.

I shouldn't worry too much. I mean, I have a lot of leeway and what transpired was really stupid. Hmmm. That's not stopping my heart from racing.

I also have a test tomorrow/today. Which I have yet to study for, it's okay though, I know the material and then another class. Then work. Dammit.

I can't wait until tonight so I can just sleep and be done with this insanity. For a few hours anyway. Damn you, insomnia. Still, I feel immensely relieved that most of the hardest part is over.
My greatest accomplishment last week, I hadn't studied for my Communications test, which was our late midterm and I got an 84% on it. That was the highlight of my week, now I just pray that I got at least a 50% on my statistics. Ohhh dear.

A few wayward assignments are here and there. No more papers, just presentations now and my transcripts are going to be sent next weekend.

I'm going to read my report for the hundredth time.